Confessions of a Perfectionist

Truth. I am not a true perfectionist. That would be borderline psychotic. I feel like true perfectionists are very complicated people. I mean, think of all the things that you would have to worry about: looks, education, talents, family, job...seriously the list is never ending. And thinking about it, perfectionism is just stupid.

I used to be close. Back in grade school, it was like a game/challenge to be a perfectionist or to increase my homework load. We would have multiplication races and I always won. If I didn't, I suddenly had a bad day at school. I remember I used to ask my teachers for homework. I would get so excited to do homework because I knew I could do it perfectly and get a 100%, gold stars and smiley faces. They looked so good on a piece of paper.

I ended up going to a "challenge school" or an advanced middle school (whatever you want to call it) because of this crazy stupid perfectionism. It was a new program; we were the schools guinea pigs. They stuck these crazy perfectionist kids in the ghetto school downtown Grand Junction to boost the school's test scores :) For the next three years, I was around kids who tried to out-perfect each other. Sons and daughters of doctors and lawyers...it was insane. Everyone was in music, everyone got A's and I was in a sense at home.

We fought over science fair projects. I fondly remember (fondly being the awkward key word here) being at the district science fair with all my classmates and a bunch of high school students. It was so much fun. Growing up, being a perfectionist in school meant you got to get out of school a ton. Elementary school it was get out of school to script a puppet show. Middle school it was the science fair. Side note: that was the year my parents said less was more....the kid next to my booth had the exact same project idea and it was twice as big...he made it to the next round and I didn't :).

Well off to high school I went and suddenly I realized there wasn't nearly as much homework. I was used to doing like 6 hours of homework in middle school (sick I know). I asked teachers if I could create power points for them POWER POINTS!!! I'm sorry, I was nuts. Reality hit me and I soon discovered that I didn't have to try as hard. Oh, and there was time to play, and watch TV (not saying I didn't watch TV in middle school...I so did). But I just found other ways to occupy my time. I rebounded a bit. The first semester I got two B's but by the end of my High School years, I had a 4.0.

Then I came to college and realized...I can be average and I am totes okay with that. I still have some perfectionist insecurities though...allow me to illuminate.

 

I was in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) learning a new language. Italian. Probably the easiest language to at least start (until you study their grammar...sick!) Every word is pronounced how it's spelled (and if you know romantic languages...boom. You got it). So there I was, trying to speak this language perfectly. You see, every week you have these teaching experiences. The first one is like, go into a store and buy some clothes...and try to start a conversation about the gospel, invite them to hear the message. 

 ....

OMG I remember when we taught the first lesson in the MTC. They didn't have enough volunteers for us to teach to, so they piled like 3 companionships (6 missionaries) in one room and expected us to take turns trying to teach......

....

I don't think I said one word. I knew that if I spoke, I would mess up pronunciation or grammar or something. So as a recovering perfectionist, I said nothing...no mistakes that way. You see?

Getting out into the mission field was just that much more difficult. Babies knew how to speak Italian better than me. :] My companions would be laughing at something the member family said...and I would just smile. And then they would laugh at that. I would say that it took me about 3 months to actually feel comfortable with the language. I knew how to say what I wanted to say. And I felt good about it. Was I perfect, no way. But I was better than the guy next to me and that was perfect enough :)

So is that perfection? Being better, cleaner, neater or more talented than the person next to you? Are perfectionist just anal people with pride issues trying to be better then the kid next to them?

So I start this ballroom thing. Oh boy, I hated practicing in the beginning. I was in 184 (one of the beginning classes) and I wanted to be as good as the people practicing open routines in the practice studios. I saw them do a quickstep...and reflected on what my teacher taught us. There wasn't nearly as much running and hopping. I hated practicing though (like I hated speaking Italian in the beginning) because I knew people were better then me.

Even when I got back from the mission and started competing open, I would see people noticeably better than me and ... my partner and I would switch rooms.


So what has changed? Am I perfect PAH!!! Do I consider myself better than everyone around me? Boh ho ho!!! So what has changed. I think recovering perfectionists find some secret that works for them. For me, its a love for what I do and seeing progression in doing it. When people ask me, "What makes you do ballroom" I say "It just feels good in my body" To non dancers, maybe physic majors or geologists, that may be difficult to understand. But it feels good in my body, and I can see where I've come from. A coach once told me, "When you practice, your goal is to make everyone stop what they are doing so they can watch you. When that happens, you'll know you're getting somewhere."


Why am I not better at the guitar? Or why haven't I touched it outside of taking the guitar class? Well, I'm not perfect.

Sir Charles

Single Doesn't Jingle All the Way

Reason for Title: I am not going to have a cuddle buddy to go see the Temple Square lights with.... pooh

 

It has taken way too long to get back to blogging.  (Here comes the whine fest) With dance, school, dance, work, and dance... it was difficult to find enough time for myself, let alone enough time to write down my thoughts.

So. Let me backtrack several weeks, even months, to a time before school began. All was bright and beautiful. I was going on dates with several girls inside and outside of EFY, inside and outside of the ballroom world, and …okay those were my only options at the time but still. It was fantastic. 

The following is a rough mock up of girls I have been interested in over the past months. 

PS we are married...but she doesn't know yet :P

Girl #1 – Okay little disclaimer, I do not date unattractive people. The girls I date, I date, because they are beautiful people inside and out. Okay, so there was this EFY counselor who seriously ALL the guys were drooling over. I was aware of a few of these guys in the beginning (the ones that had no chance with her)…but as the weeks rolled on, I would get those stanky faces from some of the other guys at EFY. This could be because of the AWESOME flirting techniques that I ooze (NOT) but anyways. Girl #1 and I went on just a few dates. A common theme that you will see is that dating + efy = a TON of dead end dates. The reason it ended with this girl (because she is seriously SO AWESOME) is probably because I never felt that deeper connection with her. The dates were fun, she has a brain (which is usually VERY difficult to find…sorry I’m not dating anyone right now so I’m bitter) and it just felt like we were both being fake to some degree…idk. You know when you want it to work…cause you are both attractive people, talented, world thinkers, etc etc…but it doesn’t work for some reason…Hate. That.

 

Girl #2 – Will represent all other girls at EFY that I did (or regretfully did not) go on dates with. The point I want to make here is…even if I wanted to go on other dates with them…at this point it would be so awkward to initiate that contact with them. Some of them had boyfriends during EFY but are single now. What do you do? How are you suppose to be like…"uh…Hi. I haven’t seen you in months. What are you doing this weekend?” Girls. If you get calls like this. Be nice….If you are truly busy…try to fit him in. Guys are fragile things

Girl #3 – So, here’s this ballroom girl. We go on a few dates over the summer. Like the other girls, these dates were short (I was a busy man) ((Keyword was)) Well. I was honestly fairly interested in this one when out of the blue…Man #2 sweeps her off her feet (oh, BTW I am Man #1) and I am left in the dust. The only consolation I had was telling my story to others. You see, I knew she was dating this other guy at the same time as me. Some of my roommates had seen the two together...but I never thought she'd actually go for the guy. Anyways, random third parties would tell me “OMG she chose HIM over YOU?” That made me feel better, but alas…what can you do? Say Girl #3 is now single?…Do I really wanna go for that after being second choice? No way. She stole the ball (whether she likes it or not) so its her turn.

Girl #4  – I have a complete blog devoted to this one….its gonna be good….like you have NO IDEA how good. Seriously...very funny shtuff.

Girl #5 – Okay, so here’s the money maker. I meet this girl - at my office of all places :) Upon meeting her I think to myself…what about this one?

Right? 

OKAY if you live anywhere near the young single adult population, you know our mindset. I’m gonna come clean and say straight out….just about every girl I see I think to myself, “Is it her?”

Here it goes ladies….this is how one (and possibly many) guys’ brains work:

first thought - attractive

second thought - has a brain

….

I’m hooked. Usually the only distracter at this point is the question: Is any part of her annoying? – laugh, immaturity, etc. So I’m thinkin…how do I get her number without seeming like a tool. I am not a tool, nor do I know how to be as smooth as some guys are…so that would just not have worked out. Well, needless to say I met her elsewhere and got her number. HAD to go out with her. So the first date had to be awesome AND IT SOOOO WAS. After that…it became fairly difficult to set up a second date on account of the fact that both of our schedules were a bit vicious…but we did. 

Second date was….a long shot (she either thought…wow this is boring/awkard/the sweetest thing I’ve ever done on a date. ….Apparently she chose one of the more negative interpretations….okay …seriously not my fault when the night you give me is a TUESDAY!! 

 

Anyways…she doesn’t text…doesn’t text, doesn’t answer phone calls. And forgive me for being prideful…but this has never happened to me so the first thought I had was not, “She’s just not that into you.” No…I hoped for the best. I really thought this could go somewhere…she was so funny (although thinking about it now…she was a little standoffish) cute, SPOKE MY LANGUAGE!! Seriously…I thought this was the one. Alas…no. The last text I gave her said something to the effect of “Drop the guy you are with and lets go on another date”….no response. Ask me about the other texts so I don’t seem completely rude :)

So there you have it. 

What are my options now? I’ll tell you

…the ballroom world……….…..

Don’t know if I wanna get involved. You see, ballroom people (me being  a prime example) love to cuddle. Movie nights, going out with a group. We are seriously (should be) some of the best daters. We are practiced flirters (latin dancing)…we (should) know this art….That gets confusing. 

.....EFY girls…

a little awkward after months of no contact…Like what is that message? "Hi, I don’t have any other options, so I ‘m going to my back-up of the back-up list?" So I just don’t do it.

And…ya. That’s about it. I really don’t have a ward to pull from because I'm not around enough to really get to know anyone. 

Where does that leave me….well. At this point of my life, with no competitions in the immediate future, single. Very single. Seeing my mission companions ESPECIALLY THE WEIRD ONES are getting married and are having BABIES!!!! Or SECOND BABIES! OMG

Seriously people...where is that girl that is suppose to knock me off my feet?

Okay ya…woe is me…woe is me….bla bla bla…

This is my blog…

Sir Charles III

Does God Know Me?

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of His children to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that I was sent to the Milan Italy Mission because people there were prepared for me personally. I know that God is mindful of each and every one of His children. I am so grateful for the tender mercies He gives us. God loves His children and will do everything in His power to get them back to him. He sent His Son to die for us.

I had been inviting the people I home teach to listen to conference with a question in their hearts. I promised them blessings that the Lord would answer those questions personally enough for them to know the answers came from God. I took the invitation upon myself and have prepared myself this last week or so with a few questions/guidance of my own.

Today I received the best news I think I have ever received as an RM. (Answer to conference question number one) I was at my mission reunion, noticing how much time had past since I had returned from my homeland :). There were so many missionaries there that I didn't recognized and it aged me. It frightened me. And yes, even frustrated me...still not married :) So here I am trying to not be to overbearing and float around to the various groups of missionaries that are created at these social events. Towards the end of the get-to-gether, I go over to Erik who is talking to a Sorella Fairbanks. She is mentioning this lady named Laura - trying to spark some memory in him about teaching her. Erik and I shared a glance at each other thinking of one Laura we would like to forget :) And then it hit us. 

Milan Italy

I knew that I would be finishing my mission in Milan. I had gone through the mission singing in every ward, at every opportunity that I could. Rarely did I have companions musically inclined in the slightest so it was difficult to share this testimony of mine. I remember one interview I had with Pres Dunaway (our Mission President) when he asked me REALLY out of the blue, "Have you sang lately?" This was towards the beginning of my mission, perhaps 5 months in or so. It caught me off guard but I was so grateful he said that because I searched for any opportunity I could to sing in Sacrament Meeting or carol at Christmas time; just anything.

Erik was my last companion. We had a blast together. We knew how to have fun, doing the work the Lord wanted us to do. IT WAS SERIOUSLY a BLAST!!!! Every day we went out doing casa in casa (knocking on doors) although we (or maybe just I) scheduled it with apprehension, once we started doing it.....the Spirit guided us and it turned into an uplifting experience each time...no matter how much rejection there was. 

One day, we come to this door (I seriously can see it as I type, I was on the right hand of Erik) and we knock. A dog barks...and it sounds fairly vicious. We give each other one of those looks like, "Man this is gonna be fun." Finally we here a voice say something like, "Sorry I'm not interested" or "I can't come to the door." Now you have to know Erik and I. We don't take no very easily...especially when we know we are right :) So one of us said something like, "But we have a really awesome message we want to share with you." I think it was at this point that she explained she was blind and the dog would attack if she opened the door. We probably said something like, "Well thank you." and gave each other another look. I believe at this point she came to the door (with the little chain secured and dog nipping at her heals). We explained more about the message and decided to sing a song. I am a Child of God, classy I know but seriously...what better song is there to sing to share the most basic message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ? We noticed her getting a bit emotional. She cried. We asked if we could stop by again if we were ever in the area to see how she was doing. She agreed and off we went.

It was awkward. There was the rule that we couldn't teach single sisters without a member (which was fairly difficult to find...). So we really didn't know when we could see her again.

Well I was ending my mission and I hadn't put on a Musical Fireside - a dream of mine I wanted to do before I left Italy. I was suddenly blessed with this companion that had great musical talents and so I told him that we should do this. We decided we wanted it to be as open as it could; for any faith with a foundation in Christ or any member that wanted to feel the spirit. We invited everyone!!! We made flyers, we gave them to people on the streets, less actives, we gave stacks of 20 or so to the members to give to their friends. We gave them to all of our investigators...even the old couple who lived in the apartment complex with us. Laura, the blind woman came to mind so we invited her as well. We made sure the second time to get her phone number so that we could coordinate a ride for her. 

(Note) What faith she must have had to trust a random stranger, to take her from her home, away from her dog, to a random church across town. She must have been touched either by the hymn that was sung upon the first encounter or the fact that two young men cared enough to come back and invite her to this activity.

We set up everything. ALL the pictures the chapel had to offer we set up all around the podium. We set the chairs up. There was even refreshments. Ya...we really went all out for this hoping things would happen. There were a few members that were a part of the program, others who were just good to us and came to support but just a few members.....it felt like no one. Our mission President and his wife came and we were so disappointed in ourselves that there was not a better turnout for something we felt so strongly about. The old couple from our apartment complex...and then Laura. 

We had spent so much time preparing, so much time practicing....and no one showed up. I sat by Laura as you can see in the videos...nobody else really had potential as we say in the mission. When the fireside was over, we went in for refreshments....and there was a lot. I remember talking to Pres. Dunaway and being so depressed about it. It was SO well planned and yet nothing. The spirit was so strong and yet nothing.

We were so bitter after the Serata Musicale, that we joked about the whole situation. We had a testimony of the Lord's work. We knew that we were suppose to do it. The only plausible solution was that it was all for Laura. All the planning, all the refreshments...for her. And we presume God doesn't know us?!?!?! God knew her. (Ps...notice the moment when something tells me to get up and make the effort to go and sit by Laura so that she can hear the words of the song clearly.)

Missions are frustrating for this reason alone, putting forth so much effort and not seeing any immediate fruits. 

Well...we had our mission reunion tonight and a Sorella Fairbanks relayed the joyous news of Laura's baptism. She said that after I left, sisters were reintroduced into the ward and took over the female investigators. A Sorella Oliver stayed in that ward for a while and taught Laura. Sis Fairbanks came in soon after and just straight up asked her one day. Why aren't you baptized? They knelt in prayer and by the end Laura felt like she should get baptized.

Sorella Fairbanks is going to email me her experience with Laura but needless to say, she expressed to us that it was one of the most (if not the most) sacred experience she witnessed when thinking back on the baptisms she witnessed. 

God knows us. He has a plan for us. How presumptuous and arrogant we must be at the times of our lives when we feel he has abandoned us. The Church is TRUE! I know that my Redeemer lives. What comfort this sweet sentence gives.

God knew Laura. A blind woman in the middle of Milan Italy.  He planted those talents in us, that burning desire to share the Gospel through music, put us together as companions halfway across the world, and all because one person was ready to accept the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. Really people? And we say God doesn't know us? Shut up.

....seriously. We have no idea the affect we may have on others, how the Lord may use us as a tool in his hands. How grateful I am for the tender mercies of the Lord. When he seems to put all his energy into answering one question of a spiritual son or daughter, "Do You know me?" 

Orem Competition

Conversation with Erik

C: Hey what homework should I do right now?

E: You should probably do the hardest.

C: Well, I have some law reading to do before Thursday.

E: Do that.

C: Or some seminary reading to do before Tuesday.

E: Then do that.

C: But I usually do that right before class.

E: Then don't do that.

C: Or I could do some writing I should have done by tomorrow.

E: Hahahahahhaha. Maybe you should do that then.

C: I just don't want to....and I can't watch Glee because you have to wait 8 DAYS!!!

E: hahahahahaha

C: ahahhahahah Nope...I'm gonna blog!

It's been really tough finding Charlie time lately. So here is the time I devote to myself, updating all you on the last competition I did.

Katie Thornhill and I decided to do the Orem Tiger Classic this last Saturday kind of on a whim. We put in the papers and all and revamped our choreography up to two days before the competition.

Here's a waltz. So these aren't necessarily the best representations of our dancing but the others wouldn't load for some reason. Remember, try and look for the gold dress.

And here was the Tango

And the Foxtrot (seriously..for some reason only the worst representations of our dancing will load...ah well...such is life)

We did alright. In the Novice division we got first. Really it was just unfair that we were competing. We swept the judges marks...ya it was awesome. And then (as you may have seen in the above video) we COMPLETELY botched the final round of Pre-Champ. Running into people. People running into us. Not dancing as a partnership...just one of those off days I suppose :) So during awards...we were so scared they were going to call our number prematurely..and it would be one of those comps we so desperately want to forget. BUT we won! YAY! Nearly swept the judges marks again. There was one judge that DIDN'T call us back on the waltz...ARE YOU JOKING!!! and then gave us only seconds and thirds on the final round...someone is not liking us. I went up to two other judges that I knew and asked him to Joe Shmoe was. They said, "Why did he score you badly" :) So funny...every ballroom dancer knows. The only reason why we care who anyone is...is if they give us bad scores. Anyways...someone said SOME judges score you according to UVU or BYU couples...RUDE! Guess I just have to be better than that so there is no denying it.

We aren't very good at the whole bowing thing. I say right spin, it doesn't register. Or I say no spin and she just decides to spin herself :) We will work on it now that we are good enough :) We couldn't stop laughing :)

So I have officially 'ballroom adopted' this kid and his partners. I oh-so-desperately want my kids to do ballroom and freaking kill it like these do. He does identical SPLITS with his partner and it is nearly the highlight of the entire comp! The crowd goes crazy. Well I didn't want to seam like a stalker so this is all you got...they're blurry and all but ....MAN I love this kid!

Peace Y'all

Sir Charles III

Sometimes My Hobbies Start to Take Over My Life

So I've decided to give a brief history of my ballroom beginnings. A lot of people ask me how long I have been dancing for and I tell them like a year and a half...but here is how it all started.

I came to BYU and decided to take a ballroom class. I did well. I went on my mission. When I came back I took two more ballroom classes and the following semester I made the ballroom team (Winter 2010). That same semester I started dancing "Open Events" ...with the beautiful dresses, coaches and new choreography. I started in the Ballroom Style (Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot, Viennese Waltz and Quickstep). That summer I tried Smooth (Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot and VW) where you can detach from your partner and frame. Smooth is like Fred and Ginger style dancing. The following semester I was moved up to the Intermediate Team (Fall 2010). I changed my two partners and got a new Ballroom partner, new Smooth partner and began to dance Latin (Cha Cha, Samba, Rumba, Paso and Jive). Last year with these three partners, we accomplished much at various local and out of state competitions (Winter 2011). I am now on the Back-Up Tour Team at BYU. I have changed my Ballroom and Latin partners yet again.

This year, I will be dancing 10 dance (or the International Latin and Ballroom Styles) with the beautiful Gioia Reni. What a blessing this will be hopefully for the two of us. I KNOW she is a fantastic dancer not only technically but in expression as well. I know that I have much to learn especially in the Ballroom style. I hope that together we can fulfill each others dreams.

It is interesting how fast I came in contact with the ballroom world, how fast I became serious, or how fast my pocket book felt this new hobby.....

Now I know the names of the top competitors when even a year ago I hadn't heard of most of these people.

I guess this post is just a way of me saying. I am so grateful for every ballroom partner I have ever had. Each has taught me something new and with each I grew so much! I have THEM to thank. Their dedication proved evident through their time and financial sacrifices. I could not be where I am today without them (and the coaches that made us what we were). I was given a wonderful opportunity this year. I have already noticed a significant difference in my dancing and would naturally like to say...LOOK OUT WORLD. There have been several couples that I thought were forever out of reach. This year is gonna be different :)

So to continue this discussion. I have dedicated so much time, money and energy on this new hobby of mine, that now I want to do something with it. Sometimes I think of teaching at a studio or starting up a team or something. I figure by the end of my ballroom academia at BYU I should be fairly proficient enough to teach anywhere.

EFY has also had some affect on my life journey. I'm in a Seminary Teaching class right now. Not saying that's where my life is going. But it is an interesting lifestyle. Seminary teacher/Ballroom coach.

{Sir Charles III}

Summary of Summer (EFY VIDS)

Sorry if this page takes for ever to load but some of these are just to awesome/funny/special/memorable to leave them in the corners of my computer.

Either the kids loved this game and you couldn't stop playing it..or they were just like....mmmmm no. In which case I taught them another game that I sadly never recorded...

 

This kid is something like 10th in the nation, 3rd for his age ....sick awesome...pretty humble about it as well.

This one is super sweet...it was the spiritual day and we were on our way to a fireside...but it was taking a while. Well its pretty awkward for teenagers to be escorting, don't let them talk to each other to break the tension and that is a lot of sweaty teens. So these people were singing and it just brought the spirit real nice.

Crazy counselors gettin their groove on before the chillin come.

Great act ... too good to pass up.

Okay....number one...this could totally be my dad. Number two...this is what makes EFY kids love their session directors...you just gotta do whatcha gotta do :)

And I KNOW my Dad has done completely embarrassing things like this before :)

So...in a sliver of a nutshell, that was one of the most fulfilling summers of my life....sorry I'm not going to write more, just know that I freaking loved it. It was so so so so so so soooooooooo EFY!!!!

An Attempt at Summarizing the Summer (pics of EFY)

Okay, I am going to try and finish this summer business so I can get on to the school year because...wow...it is going to be doozy... I tell ya what. So here is just a sample of the rest of my summer.

Nowadays when people ask me if I liked EFY I think to myself (Does an RM miss the mission?) So I just show them this picture and tell them...does that give you an indication of my feelings on the matter :)

 Here's me with some of my boys, oh ya, and that one with the hat just happens to be Pres. Monson's grandkid. I told him that I like to meet all my boys' grandparents at the end of the week....:) didn't happen, but I did get to meet his dad :) If you want a sweet story about this kid getting a testimony of the prophet ask me about it. Such good memories..seriously.

The lovely Pizza night munchies...LOVED this. An opportunity to let the kids know I wasn't some weirdo...well..okay I am but we got to really know each other here..and I was always able to sneak in a bit about where they wanted to go on their missions :) sneaky me :P

This was my awesome CoCo ARIEL...loved this group...and yes when we introduced the two of us to the group I popped on the "Ariel listen to me...the world..its a mess..life at EFY is betta den anyting dey got out deah (proceed with corny new lyrics :)

 This summer was seriously the summer of white sunglasses...these were not mine..but I figured I'd get a pick of $100 somethin sunglasses while they were on my face :)

The little cuties...escorting dem sweet girls. Seriously the cutest sight to behold.

 Okay so if any of my kids are reading this...THIS is how much I must love you guys...I HAD NEVER missed a midnight releasing of HP book or movie ever. No I couldn't beat you at a trivia game..but I do think they are just about the best teenage series ever to be written...SO we as counselors decided to take matters into our own hands and by mid week, we had divided the sessions into houses...we got Ravenclaw (Blue and all) And yes ...that is me with a cape and ...

Yes I printed out badges for as many people as possible...EVERYONE was wearing them..or mad at me for not printing more off...it was SO awesome :)

Last...last.....dance...so so so so sad

Seriously...great great great people...this was my last CoCo and she was just as amazing as any of them..only she could do a back flip too :) In all seriousness...I don't think these kids know how much they affect us. WE may or may not get more out of these weeks then they do ....here's to missing EFY like a fat boy misses his twinkie...

{Sir Charles III}