Sunday, November 27, 2011

Confessions of a Perfectionist

Truth. I am not a true perfectionist. That would be borderline psychotic. I feel like true perfectionists are very complicated people. I mean, think of all the things that you would have to worry about: looks, education, talents, family, job...seriously the list is never ending. And thinking about it, perfectionism is just stupid.

I used to be close. Back in grade school, it was like a game/challenge to be a perfectionist or to increase my homework load. We would have multiplication races and I always won. If I didn't, I suddenly had a bad day at school. I remember I used to ask my teachers for homework. I would get so excited to do homework because I knew I could do it perfectly and get a 100%, gold stars and smiley faces. They looked so good on a piece of paper.


I ended up going to a "challenge school" or an advanced middle school (whatever you want to call it) because of this crazy stupid perfectionism. It was a new program; we were the schools guinea pigs. They stuck these crazy perfectionist kids in the ghetto school downtown Grand Junction to boost the school's test scores :) For the next three years, I was around kids who tried to out-perfect each other. Sons and daughters of doctors and lawyers...it was insane. Everyone was in music, everyone got A's and I was in a sense at home.

We fought over science fair projects. I fondly remember (fondly being the awkward key word here) being at the district science fair with all my classmates and a bunch of high school students. It was so much fun. Growing up, being a perfectionist in school meant you got to get out of school a ton. Elementary school it was get out of school to script a puppet show. Middle school it was the science fair. Side note: that was the year my parents said less was more....the kid next to my booth had the exact same project idea and it was twice as big...he made it to the next round and I didn't :).

Well off to high school I went and suddenly I realized there wasn't nearly as much homework. I was used to doing like 6 hours of homework in middle school (sick I know). I asked teachers if I could create power points for them POWER POINTS!!! I'm sorry, I was nuts. Reality hit me and I soon discovered that I didn't have to try as hard. Oh, and there was time to play, and watch TV (not saying I didn't watch TV in middle school...I so did). But I just found other ways to occupy my time. I rebounded a bit. The first semester I got two B's but by the end of my High School years, I had a 4.0.


Then I came to college and realized...I can be average and I am totes okay with that. I still have some perfectionist insecurities though...allow me to illuminate.
 
I was in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) learning a new language. Italian. Probably the easiest language to at least start (until you study their grammar...sick!) Every word is pronounced how it's spelled (and if you know romantic languages...boom. You got it). So there I was, trying to speak this language perfectly. You see, every week you have these teaching experiences. The first one is like, go into a store and buy some clothes...and try to start a conversation about the gospel, invite them to hear the message. 
 ....
OMG I remember when we taught the first lesson in the MTC. They didn't have enough volunteers for us to teach to, so they piled like 3 companionships (6 missionaries) in one room and expected us to take turns trying to teach......
....
I don't think I said one word. I knew that if I spoke, I would mess up pronunciation or grammar or something. So as a recovering perfectionist, I said nothing...no mistakes that way. You see?

Getting out into the mission field was just that much more difficult. Babies knew how to speak Italian better than me. :] My companions would be laughing at something the member family said...and I would just smile. And then they would laugh at that. I would say that it took me about 3 months to actually feel comfortable with the language. I knew how to say what I wanted to say. And I felt good about it. Was I perfect, no way. But I was better than the guy next to me and that was perfect enough :)

So is that perfection? Being better, cleaner, neater or more talented than the person next to you? Are perfectionist just anal people with pride issues trying to be better then the kid next to them?

So I start this ballroom thing. Oh boy, I hated practicing in the beginning. I was in 184 (one of the beginning classes) and I wanted to be as good as the people practicing open routines in the practice studios. I saw them do a quickstep...and reflected on what my teacher taught us. There wasn't nearly as much running and hopping. I hated practicing though (like I hated speaking Italian in the beginning) because I knew people were better then me.

Even when I got back from the mission and started competing open, I would see people noticeably better than me and ... my partner and I would switch rooms.


So what has changed? Am I perfect PAH!!! Do I consider myself better than everyone around me? Boh ho ho!!! So what has changed. I think recovering perfectionists find some secret that works for them. For me, its a love for what I do and seeing progression in doing it. When people ask me, "What makes you do ballroom" I say "It just feels good in my body" To non dancers, maybe physic majors or geologists, that may be difficult to understand. But it feels good in my body, and I can see where I've come from. A coach once told me, "When you practice, your goal is to make everyone stop what they are doing so they can watch you. When that happens, you'll know you're getting somewhere."


Why am I not better at the guitar? Or why haven't I touched it outside of taking the guitar class? Well, I'm not perfect.

Sir Charles

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Single Doesn't Jingle All the Way

Reason for Title: I am not going to have a cuddle buddy to go see the Temple Square lights with.... pooh
 
It has taken way too long to get back to blogging.  (Here comes the whine fest) With dance, school, dance, work, and dance... it was difficult to find enough time for myself, let alone enough time to write down my thoughts.

So. Let me backtrack several weeks, even months, to a time before school began. All was bright and beautiful. I was going on dates with several girls inside and outside of EFY, inside and outside of the ballroom world, and …okay those were my only options at the time but still. It was fantastic. 

The following is a rough mock up of girls I have been interested in over the past months. 

PS we are married...but she doesn't know yet :P
Girl #1 – Okay little disclaimer, I do not date unattractive people. The girls I date, I date, because they are beautiful people inside and out. Okay, so there was this EFY counselor who seriously ALL the guys were drooling over. I was aware of a few of these guys in the beginning (the ones that had no chance with her)…but as the weeks rolled on, I would get those stanky faces from some of the other guys at EFY. This could be because of the AWESOME flirting techniques that I ooze (NOT) but anyways. Girl #1 and I went on just a few dates. A common theme that you will see is that dating + efy = a TON of dead end dates. The reason it ended with this girl (because she is seriously SO AWESOME) is probably because I never felt that deeper connection with her. The dates were fun, she has a brain (which is usually VERY difficult to find…sorry I’m not dating anyone right now so I’m bitter) and it just felt like we were both being fake to some degree…idk. You know when you want it to work…cause you are both attractive people, talented, world thinkers, etc etc…but it doesn’t work for some reason…Hate. That.
 
Girl #2 – Will represent all other girls at EFY that I did (or regretfully did not) go on dates with. The point I want to make here is…even if I wanted to go on other dates with them…at this point it would be so awkward to initiate that contact with them. Some of them had boyfriends during EFY but are single now. What do you do? How are you suppose to be like…"uh…Hi. I haven’t seen you in months. What are you doing this weekend?” Girls. If you get calls like this. Be nice….If you are truly busy…try to fit him in. Guys are fragile things

Girl #3 – So, here’s this ballroom girl. We go on a few dates over the summer. Like the other girls, these dates were short (I was a busy man) ((Keyword was)) Well. I was honestly fairly interested in this one when out of the blue…Man #2 sweeps her off her feet (oh, BTW I am Man #1) and I am left in the dust. The only consolation I had was telling my story to others. You see, I knew she was dating this other guy at the same time as me. Some of my roommates had seen the two together...but I never thought she'd actually go for the guy. Anyways, random third parties would tell me “OMG she chose HIM over YOU?” That made me feel better, but alas…what can you do? Say Girl #3 is now single?…Do I really wanna go for that after being second choice? No way. She stole the ball (whether she likes it or not) so its her turn.

Girl #4  – I have a complete blog devoted to this one….its gonna be good….like you have NO IDEA how good. Seriously...very funny shtuff.

Girl #5 – Okay, so here’s the money maker. I meet this girl - at my office of all places :) Upon meeting her I think to myself…what about this one?

Right? 

OKAY if you live anywhere near the young single adult population, you know our mindset. I’m gonna come clean and say straight out….just about every girl I see I think to myself, “Is it her?”

Here it goes ladies….this is how one (and possibly many) guys’ brains work:


first thought - attractive
second thought - has a brain
….
I’m hooked. Usually the only distracter at this point is the question: Is any part of her annoying? – laugh, immaturity, etc. So I’m thinkin…how do I get her number without seeming like a tool. I am not a tool, nor do I know how to be as smooth as some guys are…so that would just not have worked out. Well, needless to say I met her elsewhere and got her number. HAD to go out with her. So the first date had to be awesome AND IT SOOOO WAS. After that…it became fairly difficult to set up a second date on account of the fact that both of our schedules were a bit vicious…but we did. 

Second date was….a long shot (she either thought…wow this is boring/awkard/the sweetest thing I’ve ever done on a date. ….Apparently she chose one of the more negative interpretations….okay …seriously not my fault when the night you give me is a TUESDAY!! 

 
Anyways…she doesn’t text…doesn’t text, doesn’t answer phone calls. And forgive me for being prideful…but this has never happened to me so the first thought I had was not, “She’s just not that into you.” No…I hoped for the best. I really thought this could go somewhere…she was so funny (although thinking about it now…she was a little standoffish) cute, SPOKE MY LANGUAGE!! Seriously…I thought this was the one. Alas…no. The last text I gave her said something to the effect of “Drop the guy you are with and lets go on another date”….no response. Ask me about the other texts so I don’t seem completely rude :)

So there you have it. 

What are my options now? I’ll tell you

…the ballroom world……….…..

Don’t know if I wanna get involved. You see, ballroom people (me being  a prime example) love to cuddle. Movie nights, going out with a group. We are seriously (should be) some of the best daters. We are practiced flirters (latin dancing)…we (should) know this art….That gets confusing. 

.....EFY girls…

a little awkward after months of no contact…Like what is that message? "Hi, I don’t have any other options, so I ‘m going to my back-up of the back-up list?" So I just don’t do it.

And…ya. That’s about it. I really don’t have a ward to pull from because I'm not around enough to really get to know anyone. 

Where does that leave me….well. At this point of my life, with no competitions in the immediate future, single. Very single. Seeing my mission companions ESPECIALLY THE WEIRD ONES are getting married and are having BABIES!!!! Or SECOND BABIES! OMG

Seriously people...where is that girl that is suppose to knock me off my feet?

Okay ya…woe is me…woe is me….bla bla bla…

This is my blog…

Sir Charles III