Experiences NOT Worth Repeating

I would just like to preface with: 

This post was going to be really awesome. I was going to draw a bunch of stupid sketches on paint, but I decided that would take much to long and I'm too far behind as it is getting blogs out. So here goes:

My dear ballroom partners and I were planning a trip to California for a competition in Irvine, but the real drama started at a lesson earlier that week.

Coach: So are you competing this weekend at UVU

Me: No. We are going to California

Coach: WHAT!?!?!

Me: (Oh crap, we're not that bad are we?)

Coach: And you look like that? You are going to CALI. FORNIA. You haven't even started to tan??!!?!

Me: No we decided to do a spray tan this time

Coach: (With that awesome eye thing that he does when you do something stupid) Alright...(as if to say, "there is no way you guys are going to be dark enough.")

So I'm partially new to the world of tanning and the like. Almost a year ago to the date I started competing so I give myself a bit of credit. Last year, I tried the beds and it was alright. Except for the sinking feeling that you are slowly getting closer and closer to an imminent cancer-death. Last November I tried a self-spray tan that you let sit overnight and it did a surprisingly good job.

I had yet to try the infamous spray tanning at a salon though

.....yipee.....

Well. I trusted my partners who looked good when they had it done so I was game. So after putting lotion on we went to the salon. Here's the down and dirty of the matter. You go into a room. Lock the door, strip down and walk into a shower looking thing. I put on the goggles before going in which I guess you don't have to do but nobody told me... :/ Right about now I am feeling REALLY uncomfortable...like REALLY uncomfortable. You position yourself on this little plank in the middle of the shower and then when you're ready, you hit this green light. It was about now that I started second guessing myself. So I press the button, position myself like the lady told me and wait.

PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Nearly peed all over the tanning booth. That thing seriously scared me. Not to mention the intense cold...stuff it was now spraying over my very bare body. So not right. Oh and I forgot to keep my mouth closed and not breath...minor-major details I had been warned about but now understood the genius of. So the next few seconds were slightly rhythmical:

(as it sprays up) pshhhhhhh........*cough cough cough  sshhhhhhh.......(going back down)

Now I take a huge breath, hold it ....Pshhhhhhhhhh *cough cough cough  shhhhhhh....no use

pshhhhhhhh....no coughing...but I can definitely not see a thing at this point.

So after putting you in a booth, on this little piece of mettle, while this paint gets sprayed all over your naked body and covers your tube like goggle vision....they expect you to turn without falling to get your backside before it starts again.

.............................................

.........................

Ya

So I turn. And again.........nearly wet my pants.

Pshhhhhhhh........shhhhhhhh

pshhhhhh.....shhhhhhh.

pshhhhh....shhhhhhh

..........

........

Is it over? Do I move, what if it starts again and I'm like halfway turned around to go out the door. So I wait their a few seconds more and try and find the doorknob. I'm seriously blind so I take of the goggles...no use...the mists of fake orangy-ness have engulfed every inch of the shower-booth. I finally step out of the booth and am reminded of my lack of clothing...
so I dab-wipe-pat whatever they tell you to do the tanner so that I can put my clothes back on.

No need to experience THAT again to know it is from the devil :)