Is This Real Life?

There's no use beleaguering the point that it has been some time since I last posted, but needless to say I have been a very busy.

busy.

busy.

boy.

This semester has been more stressful than I had originally anticipated...and here I thought I had planned enough time to practice, study and have a social life...nope...unfortunately each bit died a little this semester.

So here I am. The National Dancesport competition is behind me and I'm left to pick up the fragmented classes I left behind with projects and finals.

So what's on the good doctors mind after all this time you ask?

Well it has been a while, so the following subjects (and posts) are most likely not going to be of any great significance, no time to develop and argue it out with my buddies.

Subject Number One

(I'm gonna brag a little...forgive)

A week or so before nationals, I was talking with my dear partner about some security issues I seem to have. Here's the story of my performance life: Throughout grade school I was always involved with community shows, summer music programs; got fairly good parts that seemed to fit my personality and I'm gonna be honest.. I felt pretty legit. Coming into high school I felt like I owned my creative life: choreographing, performing, singing, getting in the newspaper and on the news for just being a well-rounded kid in a small-ish city.

I came to BYU on music. I thought I was going to go into MDT with a business minor to produce shows; become a Simon Cowell of sorts. I felt (and honestly still feel) like I have a good eye for the arts...not necessarily talented enough to be a performer, but ya... I pretty good critic. I am on a completely different career path now but ....I digress...

Okay so I came and auditioned for BYU Men's Chorus. I told my mom that if I didn't make it, maybe I WAS just a big fish in a little pond like everyone kept saying. Needless to say I was super nervous going through that audition process but after the first-round-guy said I was a tenor I went on to the audition with Sis Hall. After realizing I was in fact a bass (but had the potential up top...whatever :) she said one of the nicest things. One of her co-workers had just walked into the office and she turned to him and said, "You have just missed one of the best freshman auditions I have ever heard."

....

Okay I was seriously grinning from ear to ear at that point. She said, all with her awesome welsh accent, "There is a slim chance you will be called back for Concert Choir, and an even slimmer chance you will get in...but you never know." Cue cute smirky older lady face.

I was in fact called back as a bass for Concert choir and proceeded to COMPLETELY botch that portion of the audition. So Men's Chorus it was and I wouldn't of had it any other way. Now I know most of the members on Vocal Point because we were buds in the choir together. (These are not them...these are other friends.

That semester I also began taking ballroom classes...way back in the Magnum Knight Building which has sense been sentenced to rubble. I did surprisingly well in that class and really enjoyed that medium of expression. I came back from my mission and decided to pursue ballroom for a bit.

After the first year I was hooked. I felt this surge of excitement practicing and being in the classes...the bug... they call it. I really wanted to do well and I planned from that point my goal to make the Tour team as soon as possible. Several of the teachers and coaches I had, told me there was so much potential. Some very sweet members of the tour team would see me practicing and take an interest in my progression...

I couldn't have asked for a more welcoming atmosphere.

Well, this last year has been SUCH a growing year for me. I was on the Back-Up team....last step before tour and what a talented team it was...with one of the best dance partners. For some reason though, I had this weird self esteem issue. For the entire year, I felt like although my dancing was improving, nobody saw it. Silly I know but I just felt lost. Every performing style I had attempted up to that point had been successful, and here I am having security issues.

Don't get me wrong, I see my progression but it was just very difficult at times coming home to my roommates and being so frustrated with myself and dance. Needless to say there were many a desired yogurt runs. Might I just take a moment to express my gratitude for roommates who are not ballroom dancers: when I want to talk about ballroom, it's short and sweet; when I'm not in the mood...neither is anyone else :)

With the imminent list about to be posted for the Blackpool Team (my ultimate goal), you could say I'm a little anxious to find out the results. I feel like I've done absolutely everything in my power to get on that team: been in every class, back-up for a solid year, good team member, pleasant-no-drama-personality...

...

but really no drama.

The list is suppose to be posted by the end of this month and I just have to say I am on a roller coaster of self esteem. I WANT THIS SO BAD. I often think to myself: the practice, the money, the extra year at college, the fact that I have no social life...will all be worth it IF...

Sir Charles III